Topic: Too Damn Late
It's 1:58 AM CDT & it's time one again for Too Damn Late!
WARNING: Too Damn Late is written (but not necessarily posted) after midnight. If you've been reading this series, you should perfectly aware that there's practically NO FORM OF CENSORSHIP DONE HERE! If you don't like swearing & other crude ideas... THEN STOP READING THIS ENTRY NOW!!! This warning is designed for the Stickenbaums of the world & to protect myself from verbal & legal assaults. If you choose NOT to heed this warning, don't go crying to me if you don't like what you read. VIEWER'S DISCRETION IS ADVISED.
I've been watching Mystery Science Theater 3000 (commonly referred to as MST3K) before bed lately, mostly as mix of a bad movie & some comedy mixed together, as way to clear my mind & potentially crush my soul a little in order to avoid me staying up & writting these. For those who are unfamiliar with the show, it was a late night show that broadcasted a bad movie WITH a riff track by the host of the show. Pretty much they made fun of the movie while it was being broadcasted in order to make it more palatable for the viewers... Here's the very brief history of the show.
The series started at a TV station in Minnesota when a commedian by the name of Joel Robinson just started making jokes about the movie while it was being broadcasted on weekend. Despite some complaints, the majority of the calls were positive & a pilot season was made (or what the fans of the series calls it). Somebody from a cable TV network, which is NOW called Comedy Central, picked up the series in 1989. Joel was the host of the show until middle of the 5th season (in 1994), when he left on his own & the series head writer Mike Nelson stepped in.
At the end of the 6th season (in 1995), the show was on hiatus to create MST3K: The Movie, which Universal fucked them with a lousy run in the US. Unfortunately, the proverbial screwing didn't stop there as Comedy Central was canceling the reason & only gave the 7th season a lousy 6 episodes to end the series. HOWEVER, the fans were able to snag the interest of the Sci-Fi channel. Sci-Fi gave the series 3 more seasons, more like 2 1/2 seasons as the 10th & final season (in 1999) was only 13 episodes long. HOWEVER, the fans again kept the series in syndication until 2004.
The main reason MST3K has died on the air was mostly because of the royalty fees the movie companies were pulling out of the production company's ass to use their films, which causes some problems with some studios (especially the Gamera series). The spirit of MST3K lives on through the web with Rifftrax, where the main stars of MST3K continue rifting through movies. However, the movies they poke fun at are the larger named titles (Harry Potter series, Roadhouse, ect.) for pay-per-download. Rifftrax has gotten so popular that they added on-demand video services & has become the clearing house of other rifters.
The main premise of MST3K is that an crazy evil guy technically kidnaps an innocent guy (originally Joel, then Mike), fires him off into space (to a satelite) & force him to watch very bad movies. Joel created a couple bots from parts of the satelite for company: Gypsy, who is essentially the satelite's mother. Then Crow & Tom Servo, who accompanies Joel (then Mike) into the theater to watch the movie & make fun ot it with Cambot (the original bot on the satelite) to record everything. During the Sci-Fi era, the crazy evil guy was replaced with his mother, who took up the same quest of domination.
For those who are interested in getting into the series, here's a rough list of episodes that you should try to rent (you'll have fair luck with Netflix), find online (mostly through BitTorrent sites) OR YouTube (before the Copyright Cops kills them).
1) Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Movie
Why not start the list with most accessible one ever! While it is shorter than any of the TV episodes, it does give you a good idea of the show's premise & a cross-section of what they normally do in the TV series (during the Comedy Central era).
The movie, "This Island Earth", main premise is that a nuclear scientist gets recuited by an alien race to help solve their energy problem, which give him & a fellow comade a round trip to an alien planet.
2) Episode 820: Space Mutiny
Part of the Sci-Fi era that has received good notes by fans. The movie's premise is that Earth is having overcrowding problems, so a large group of colonists depart Earth to make a 10 light year trip to another Earth-like planet. HOWEVER, a small group of people have different plans for the colony ship & start an internal war.
The biggest running joke here is that Mike & the bots keep raffling off random names for the main character. There's also a big continuity error ("It was awefully nice of you to give that dead girl another chance.") in the movie. While it's not a critical error, it does bring a few good laughs.
3) Episode 903: Puma Man
This movie actually contains a major movie star (see the old James Bond movies) that they do make fun of. The movie's premise is that can evil guy discovers an aztec (actually alien) mask & uses it in an attempt to take over the world. However, a superhero with "the blood of the gods" (the aliens who left the mask) to defeat the villian & restore the mask to it's rightful place.
This movie isn't that bad, but it's extremely cheese that it deserves to be in the "B-list".
3) Episode 907: Hobgoblins
This "Gremlins" reject has all the hallmarks of a bad movie, but it remains fairly watchable. The movie's premise is that these aliens (the Hobgoblins) have been hanging out in a movie studio's vault for 30 years before escaping & terrorizing a trainee security guard & friends.
As noted, it one of the bad movies where the rifting really shines through.
4) Episode 910: The Final Sacrafice
Noted as "The Worst Thing to Come from Canada" (MST3K's note), the movie's premise is that a kid who's being raised by his aunt discovers a map his father left behind & the cult that killed his father comes after him for the map. The kid runs into drifter, who is actually a former member the cult, who assists him into figuring out the secrets of the map.
The majority of the jokes revolve around the drifter, but it's another movie that you need the rifting to make it viewable.
5) Episode 424: Manos: The Hands of Fate
WARNING: NOT FOR WEAK WILLS! -- REPEATED VIEWS COULD BE CONSIDER AS TORTURE (OR AT LEAST CRUEL & UNUSUAL PUNISHMENT)!
This is the ONLY episode in the entire series that I can definately give this warning to as this is the candidate for THE WORST MOVIE OF ALL TIME! This was done during the Joel era, but this so bad that no amount of rifting could salvage it. This is also the ONLY MOVIE there the "bads" actually apologize to captives about this movie.
If you can actually figure out the premise or the storyline of the movie, feel free to tell me AS I COULDN'T FIGURE IT OUT! This was biggest issue with that movie that it was driving me insane.
6) Episode 1001: Soultaker
Fans of the series would enjoy this episode as it a bit of a "reunion" show with the former cast members (Joel & TV's Frank) returning just for this show. While the show's storyline overshadows the actual movie, the movie is OK in general.
The movie's premise is that the souls of 4 teenagers are throw out of their bodies in a crash & it's the Soultaker's job (played by Joe Estevez, who is related to Charlie & Martin Sheen, the closest thing to a major star you'll be able to find) to hunt those souls down before it's too late.
If you can find the actual DVD's for these episodes, you'll be able to watch the movie with OR without MST3K rifftrack. However, if you take the online route, you'll notice tape cuts where the commercials would normally be (as they're digitized version of VHS tapes that fans recorded). Either way, this list should give you a fair cross-section of the series.
If you can't really stomach the series, you might want to try movies that you're more familiar with at the Rifftrax website as they have small rift samples that you can preview to give you a taste before you actually have to cough up any money. If you can't enjoy rifts on movies that you may (or may not) like, you might need to get that christmas tree removed from your ass (hopefully star or the angel topper comes with it) as you obvious don't have a good sense of humor.
That's all I have for tonight... NOW GO TO BED!
